This Princess Has A Pea
Thoughts
Surgery tomorrow, Maybe
Dec 26th
Just the Facts: I am scheduled for reconstructive plastic surgery tomorrow, but have been sick and still have some lingering cold symptoms. I’m not sure if the surgery will happen or not. It will be the anesthesiologist’s decision when I go to the hospital in the morning.
Details: Following a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery earlier this year, I am scheduled for some of the reconstructive work to be redone tomorrow. This surgery has been planned since late October, and it is important that it happens now, for various reasons. However, since I have been sick with a pretty severe cold over the last two weeks and still have some symptoms, the surgery may not happen tomorrow. When I called the plastic surgeon’s office last week to inform them of my status, they said the decision whether or not to proceed with surgery would be made by the anesthesiologist. I have debated calling it off myself, but have decided to go to the hospital in the morning and discuss it with the anesthesiologist with hopes of having the surgery.
Right now my cold symptoms consist of a very stuffy nose, plugged ears, and a cough. I have some pressure in one ear, too. It pops and squeaks when I blow my nose. I’m sure that eustascian tube must be clogged. It’s possible I have an ear infection. I am coughing a little, but it’s only occasionally, and the cough is productive. It’s like the cough is almost over, but I still have the head cold. I don’t feel bad, but am really tired of dealing with these symptoms. The cold started almost two weeks ago. I finished a course of antibiotics on Friday. My colds do not usually last this long. It must be a really bad virus!
This is my third major surgery this year. Normally the night before surgery I am pretty anxious. Not this time. Christmas and the cold have kept my mind off of what’s ahead. I’m sure when my plastic surgeon begins drawing on me with that blue pen tomorrow before surgery, the reality will hit in a big way. But I want and need this surgery and I really hope it happens tomorrow.
Me: Hopeful. Sick of being sick. Ready to get major surgery behind me and move into 2011 with a fresh start.
Prayer Requests: That I will somehow be well by tomorrow morning – essentially leaving no decision to be made about my fitness for surgery. That my excellent plastic surgeon would hit it out of the park this time. For my health in recovery. For peace for Tracy and my children while I am in surgery and in the hospital. Please also give thanks and ask for special blessings for those who will be helping to keep an eye on my children over the next day or two.
Tomorrow: I will update my status on twitter and facebook as I find out what will happen. If we are able to do the surgery, Tracy will write on my facebook wall with updates. I’ll be back online soon, probably sometime tomorrow night.
Thanks for all the good vibes, thoughts and prayers. 
What Happened to Me
Sep 26th
Phone’s ringing. The doc. I’ve been waiting.
Yes, now is an OK time to talk.
Oh.
T-t-t-tell me what to do.
Sit down. Swallow that lump. What next? Go talk to Tracy. Get hugs. Get help.
Deep breaths.
Kids, don’t freak, please. I am NOT about to die! LOOK at me – I’M STRONG!! Believe me, PLEASE!
Surgeons. Tests. Biopsies.
Questions. Prayers. Decisions.
No decision to make. It’s clear.
I’m ready.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Business. No stopping. Training and training.
Must move out of studio. Coincidence? Another place found.
Ready but still waiting.
Finally, mastectomy. Times two. ATTACK!
Awake from surgery. Were my nodes clear? Nurses won’t answer.
Were my nodes clear? No one answers.
TRACY, were my nodes clear?
YES!
That news is my medicine.
Peeking. Two small mounds, so very welcome on the flat reality.
Home. Drain 1, Drain 2, Drain 3, Drain 4. Learn to love them. Necessary.
Feeling pain. Who beat me up?
Days. Healing. Drains can come out. Gross. Moving on.
Scars: large. red. Shocking. A life was saved here.
Plastic surgeon doing his job. Pumping up the volume. Week 1. Week 2. Week 3. And that’s enough.
He says: now we wait.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Confirmation: no chemo! RELIEF!
Just take this pill. Everyday. 365×5.
The summer of expanders. Eagerly waiting to exchange.
Adjusting. Feeling good. Feeling strong.
Surgery pre-op. Almost time to exchange. Done waiting. So ready.
Hospital. Here goes again. This time it’s outpatient. OK, I like that better.
Beat up again. Sore. Same sore. Hallelujah – no drains! But foggy head. Foggy foggy head.
Bandages off.
Improved? Yes. How much? A lot. As good as you hoped? No.
Grateful nonetheless. So grateful.
Stumbling. Feeling sad for no reason. Mad at myself. So much has gone right. Why feel sad?
Tears.
Not myself.
Staring. Whose chest IS this? What happened to me?
Priorities change. Need to do all I can.
Re-evaluate. Think. Pray. Heal.
October will be Pink. A race. A team. Important.
Ask. Receive. Grateful.
Abounding kindness. Amazing generosity.
Got my shirt. It has the word. Survivor.
Tears.
Healing.
I am a breast cancer survivor.
Still healing. I’ll get there.
My breast cancer was detected early, at Stage I, and my prognosis is excellent. Efforts by Susan G. Komen have made my walk through this difficult time easier.
From the Susan G. Komen For the Cure website: For more than 25 years, Susan G. Komen for the Cure has played a critical role in every major advance in the fight against breast cancer, transforming how the world talks about and treats this disease, and helping to turn millions of breast cancer patients into breast cancer survivors. Over the next 25 years, an estimated 25 million women around the world will be diagnosed with breast cancer if we don’t find a cure. Susan G. Komen will not stop until we discover and deliver the cures. That’s our promise.
On October 2, 2010 I will walk with my family and my team in the Komen Charlotte Race for the Cure. When I cross the finish line, my name will be announced as a survivor.
Please consider supporting my team, StrongerSarah, in the Komen Charlotte Race for the Cure. Donating any amount is easy by going here. Although my individual goal has been met, our team goal of $2,000 has not yet been reached. Your donation will help raise awareness and fund research so that our mothers, sisters, daughters and friends may never have to get that phone call.
This Should Say it All
Mar 11th
My first "pink ribbon" thing
I received this awesome hat as a gift from my neighbors. They actually brought me an incredible basket full of all kinds of treats and surprises. The hat was part of it. This gift represents the generosity and kindness and support that I am receiving from so many places. I am truly overwhelmed.
Now look at me. Do I look worried? Scared? Bummed out? Sick? I don’t think so, and you shouldn’t see that in the picture because I am none of those things. I wish I didn’t have this monster to tame, for my husband’s sake and my children’s sake, and the rest of my family and friends’ sake. AND because there are LOTS of better things to do with my time. But I can do it, and I’m ready.
Thoughts March 1
Mar 1st
Hearing the news that as far as we know there is no cancer in the lymph nodes, was the best thing that could happen on Friday. After two very long weeks of tests, waiting, and trying to wade through information and make decisions, it was great to have some good news to savor for the weekend. I thought very little about cancer and its ramifications for those few days. It was a great break!!
This week will be full of more tests, results and the like. I need to begin the search for a plastic surgeon and oncologist as well. I’m going to check in with the surgeon soon to let them know we are 100% sure of our decision to have bilateral mastectomy. I am hoping that means that we’ll be able to schedule a surgery date. Not even having a date is weird, like we’re stuck in limbo. I am ready to move on!